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A Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

How long have you known your ownself? Just today, you said you pitied yourself and envied others because of their good writing abilities. Do you think you deserve such words. I've known you for years, in fact no one knows you better than me. I can say that you're blessed, maybe not in terms of wealth but in some way more than any wealth, so to speak. You were born in April, that's why I cannot excuse this theme because it concerns you. Ever since, especially during your younger years(this is not being shirked), you've attached yourself to how your zodiac sign describes you. April, being the sheep connotes that you are a born leader, you're stubborn and you want your mind rule others. In fact, you can be good at politics, public speaker, an artist etc. While there are good things for you under your sign, there are also not so good in them like you are impulsive, you've got very low level of patience and tolerance and some more. The thing why I told you you're blessed is because out of you and your loved one, you've got five beautiful and intelligent children who had gotten your qualities that are gradually showing among each one of them. I know you're worried and not so happy because you do not have a beautiful house to talked about, no interior furnishings to show your friends, in fact, you don't want your friends especially those well- off to visit your house because you don't want them to say things that might hurt you or surely will hurt you like: why is it that for the many years that you've been working (with your job and high salary, at least at this point in time its already quite a good salary)you have not finish your house, you have'nt even painted it, finished it, you haven't tiled it and look at the back of your house where your wash area is, it's dilapidated, looks it will gonna fall. What about your fridge, it's been 20 years already and though its still working, why haven't you bought at least a new one(because it's still working and am in crisis yet) Yes! you haven't done all those things but they are all in your mind, who wouldn't want a beautiful house, who wouldn't want to be visited and showcase furnishings around with friends, who wouldn't loved to be talked about with things like having a beautiful house with extra ordinary fursnishings, who wouldn't want to tile his/her floors when the dust accumulate so fast and your sole can't hardly tolerate it roughness. Who wouldn't want a safe washing area? I know you do crave for all those things, not because they are your luxuries but bacause they are your need at the moment. However, because, you still have your schooling children who occupies your priority areas. You couln't exchange them for anything of your whims. This April, you haven't even bought yourself a gift, however your children did present you a gift out of the savings they had from their allowances. How did you feel? It touched your heart, even their individual SMS sent on that very day made you teary eyed. The thought of it would just make you think that someday after each of them would be financially capable, they can still gave you more than what you dream at the moment. But, let me give you this piece of mind. Be extra thankful to the Almighty God for He has given you this ALL. A life to share with others, children and a husband to live with and enjoy all His blessings, a hearty laugh at the minutest humor in life, love everywhere, a good health for every member of the family, a peaceful neighborhood, a penny to buy your daily bread and most of all, the presence of Allah, the Almighty in all the things you're doing everyday, those are more than wealth, and if good health is with you and with your family for the rest of the days ahead, again, I tell you, you owe that to Him and haven't you thought it yet, His blessings upon us is not even compensated by the number of times we offer our thank you and ask for forgiveness for all the sins we have done. At this moment, let us pause and ask for forgiveness and thank Him for all the blessings He had showered on you. I am asking Him to shower you some more blessings, financially, spiritually, to keep you and your family in good health always, to provide you guidance in all the things you do, to give you wisdom so you can do the best for yourself, for your family and for others, to be steadfast in all your decisions especially those that will bring goodness to others, keep you away from those that will not give you forth goodness unto others and also give you more April to come in the years ahead. This all, I ask from Allah, the Almighty for you, for your family and the rest of us here in the world.

How do I do this thing, my gosh!

I've had several attempts to write well (including the first one) so other bloggers would post comments after I publish them, lol, . I've sign up several times in various display names hoping to create a good blog. I've read several and many blogs already, from the youngest to the oldest bloggers posts, to the professional and not so professional bloggers. I've surfed the web finding tutorials on how to make my blog more presentable and worth reading. But maybe, I don't know, I don't call myself stupid because I know how to make use of the present, past and future tenses and all the progressive tenses I've taken up in college, knows the subject-predicate principles and lots of things on the basics of good grammar and correct usage of the English language and yet I cannot write a blog. I've been so envious of those who had lots of things in mind that are able to turn it into a piece of writing, worth reading and worth clipping. I really pity myself, why I cannot do it while others can, or maybe because I create so high a standard in writing to the extent that not one of my attempts passes my own established standards. I've got one post which I did try for several times... just to be included in this Nablopomo group, as the qualification in joining here is being a blogger, which means you've got to have your own url in any of the blogpots. I made one at blogger.com to be qualified here However, the only thing mine there in that post is the first 4 lines and lol, I only copied/pasted the subject because the subject was of interest to me especially it's kinda useful in my job, but doing it myself, I really can't pick it up at the moment. Moreover, because of my unfulfilled dream, first to become a writer then simply this time, to be among you bloggers, my http://nestlingonwriting.blogspot.com evolved. Anyway, i've dropped that hope already in my mind so my blogs just come straight and easy this time. The thing is am writing, not because I want to prove to anyone that I can write, that I have good grammar and perfect English nor to impress anyone that, hey! there's someone there who really writes good. Am sorry, this time, am writing because I just feel I want to write, am publishing it not because of anything else, but to have a collection of the remnants of my day, of my feelings, especially those days where I was excited, I was kind of down and empty but most of all those moments where I feel these feelings have to be documented or else, it will just slip my mind and lo, gone. So, maybe this is a good start for me, cleansing myself of the mess I have on my head, like I can't write, I can't blog, I can't be like those others whose got all the beautiful words to describe their feelings for the day. I do not have those in me but at least I can write this little no matter what. As long as it is understood and I accept it as a document of the events of my life, then that's it. No one gonna stop me, lol!. So to all those, who are still under the slavery of their own ill feelings that they can't do it, that they can't blog and can't write, oh common, go out and challenge the world with what you can do. At this point in time. . .you be the judge please. . . have I done a little justice to myself?